Ready Set....Don't Go

This has nothing to do with Eli walking.

Okay so it is happening. Wesley is spreading his wings and flying off, tomorrow to be exact. As most of you know we took Wes in to our home at the beginning of November when we flew him home to be with his very sick mom. We told him then that no matter what happened our home was his. Well to be real honest I never imagined that his mom would really die. I think it was a denial thing for me, like why would a "good" God do something so wrong. Well He did. He took Ms. Jeanne from Wes, and us, three months ago. And well ever since then Wes has been one of ours. I really didn't intend on loving him like my own son, but I did/do.

When his mom first passed, he and I would spend many evenings talking, I would mostly listen, but it was good. He would share his dreams and desires and then ask what I thought about them. I would share my thoughts and then he would move onto another thought/concern. I remember one night within the first month of her passing, it was just him and I at the dinner table. He had shared a lot of his feelings, plans, and so on. I got up from the table, still listening, and went to start the dishes. He got quiet and then said, "You know, me and my mom used to do this. I would talk and she would just listen. Thanks." I said you're welcome and went on my way. It was nice to know he appreciated it, but I think it made him appreciate his mom more.

Any ways like I said at the beginning, Wes is flying out tomorrow early morning. And guess what, I'm sad. Actually I'm sad, scared, and worried. I really feel like my own son is going off to start his "new" life tomorrow. It was a bit unexpected, but deep down inside I've known it was going to happen eventually. He isn't a sitting duck, he gets bored, he loves an adventure. But I just didn't think it would happen this soon. He came to me last Wednesday, my birthday, gave me a dozen beautiful roses and card and then sat down at the kitchen table while I cooked dinner. I could tell he needed to talk or share something. I just came out and asked what was up. He then began sharing that he felt like God wanted him to GO and finish out the dream He has for him. The one him and his mom had talked many times about. I told him to go for it. Inside I was worried. Was he running from the grieving? I honestly hadn't really seen much emotion from him since the funeral, and he had finally taken care of all of stuff. Was he just not dealing? I didn't come out and share that with him though. No instead I said go for it and that I supported him all the way. He then went on to share his fears of disappointing Barry. Crazy I thought as he was talking. I seriously felt like I was having a conversation with my 18 year old son who is jumping from one career to another. I told him not to worry with Barry, but that he needed to talk with him. So that night me, Barry, and Wes set up until early the next morning and talked about his dreams, plans, goals. Barry shared that he was afraid he hadn't thought the whole thing out and that he was running from responsibility. I told him I was worried about the money and his bills, a true mother thought huh? We each sat there in the quietness of the room while Wes sat there and took in what our thoughts were. I happened to glace over and saw a little boy sitting there with his lip quivering. It broke my heart. I told him to stop holding back and to just cry. He said he didn't want to be weak. Barry and I both told him that a real man is one that will cry when he needs to. And at that moment, thru my tears and open ears I heard my son, Wes weep. He shared with us that he weeps every night to go to sleep and that he knows his mom wants him to GO and make disciples, and that he is ready. We told him that we supported him and that no matter what happened he is always welcome at our home. Our home is his home. And the very next day he began packing and getting his plans locked in.

Every night I've thought about it and every night I get a bit sad. And then over the weekend he asked if we could get a family picture taken so he could have his family go with him and at that moment I realized that he is our/my son. I might not be his birth mother, God knows I didn't birth him at age 7, but I am him mom and Barry is his dad. We will all miss him. And tomorrow I will watch, with a smile, my son spread his wings and fly and pray that we've all clipped them enough along the way to make them strong now. Wes, the boy I once couldn't barely stand, is now someone I will have a hard time letting go. Man God works in crazy ways.

As I was writing this I thought of a song by Billy Ray Cyrus, here are the lyrics and I've changed them a bit to match:

He's gotta do what he's gotta do

And we've gotta like it or not

He's got dreams too big for this town

And he needs to give 'em a shot

Whatever they are
Looks like he's all ready to leave

Nothing left to pack

There ain't no room for us in that car

Even if he asked us to tag along

God I gotta be strong

He's at the startin' line of the rest of his life

As ready as he's ever been

Got the hunger and the stars in his eyes

The prize is his to win

He's waitin' on our blessings before he hits that open road

Buddy get ready

Get set

Don't go

He says things are fallen into place

Feels like they're fallen apart

We painted this big ol' smile on our face

To hide our broken hearts

If only he knew

This is where we don't say what we want so bad to say

This is where we want to but we won't get in the way
Of his dreams

And spreadin' his wings

He's at the startin' line of the rest of his life

As ready as he's ever been

Got the hunger and the stars in his eyes

The prize is his to win

He's waitin' on our blessings before he hits that open road

Buddy get ready

Get set

Don't go