What exactly is my identity? This is the very question I have been asking myself for the past year. Like who am I? When I was young, elementary school, I was Jamie Isaacs' sister and Jimmy and Lisa Isaacs daughter. When I went to middle school, I was Jennifer Bowen's friend, Jamie's little sister, and a cheerleader. When I got to high school I was still Jamie's little sister and a cheerleader, but then I became Barry Russell's girlfriend, and the "good" girl. After I graduated I continued being Barry Russell's girlfriend, but then I became known as that little nail tech at Krista James. I was those for a few years but then I got married and became Barry's wife. And from there I became Isaac and Eli's mom. So for MANY years I have been known as "some one's" person whether it be a sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend, wife or mom. Like seriously I go to church and I'm known as, "oh your Barry's wife." And then when I go to the gym I get, "your Isaac an Eli's mommy." Both associations are great. I LOVE being those people, but over the past year I've realized that I wanted my own identity as well. I wanted to be known as Nikki! I wanted to go out and someone to recognize me for me and not as an association to someone else. The crazy thing was to me is that it took me so many years to realize this. I think it wasn't such an issue when I was growing up because I lived in a town that knew ME even with those associations. But when I moved to Columbia, SC, that is where I lost it. Barry had already been up in SC for several months when I finally moved. So he had set up a life and friendships. And so when I arrived to join him that is how I was introduced because people knew him. Which was fine in the beginning, but after 8 years of marriage and living in the same state I figured eventually that would end. It hasn't. Then after that I eventually became Isaac and Eli's mom. With all that said about a year ago I decided I wanted to find me. I needed to find me. I needed to appreciate me and the person I had now become. During this time I got job at the boys preschool, and I honestly think this was God's way of giving me my OWN identity. With the job I became Nikki and I found a ton of new friends (the ladies I work with that I love being with). And I LOVE it!!! I love that I'm still "Barry's wife" and "Isaac and Eli's mom", but I LOVE being known as Ms. Nikki. And what I love even more is going to the mall, a restaurant, grocery store, or wherever and hearing someone say to me, "hi you're Ms. Nikki right?" or "Hi Ms. Nikki!!!!" I LOVE it. I love knowing that I've found out who I am for now. And I look forward to all the other "identities" I end up with in years to come.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
This morning I was getting ready for work and saw the above segment on the Today Show. I am completely appalled by Abercrombie & Fitch. For the longest time Barry and I have actually refused to go into any of their stores because of what they are promoting to teenagers. But now, BUT NOW they have just gone too far. I mean seriously a padded bikini top for a 7 year old?!!!!! What is that telling a second grade girl?!! I will tell you what it is telling them! It is telling them that beauty is on the outside and that you HAVE to HAVE certain things on your body to get looked at or for "people" to "like" you. It is teaching them at 7 years old how to have a low self esteem and self image problems. At 7 you are supposed to be worrying about nothing, but maybe who your best friend is this week or next, NOT about if your bikini top makes your boobs look good!!!!!! I think it is absolutely disgusting that A&E is doing this, and from this point on I WILL NOT, did you hear me? WILL NOT buy or even enter Abercrombie & Fitch stores or anything associated with them. First they had ads that were taken from the shelves because they were considered soft porn, now they are teaching little girls that beauty is judged on the outside, so what's next, thong pull-ups?!!!!!!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I believe I have one of the MOST compassionate children out there. Isaac sees something that breaks his heart and he wants to fix it. For example, a few months back, January I think, Barry and Isaac were driving home. And on the way home they got stopped at a railroad crossing, and right beside the railroad crossing is a farm with tons of goats. Well there were lots of new baby goats and Isaac saw one that's head was stuck in the wire fence. Barry saw it too, but didn't want to make a big deal. Well Isaac saw it and actually began to cry because he was so sad that the baby couldn't get back to his momma. Barry saw him tearing up and asked him what he thought they should do and he told Barry that had to stop now and he had to go fix it. So Barry being the good daddy that he is, he pulled over and dug thru his toolbox on his truck and found a hammer and was able to free the baby goat. Isaac was super excited. Any ways, so yesterday Rodney from church (he works with Barry) was mowing the back of the church property and found a baby turtle in the stream. He brought it to Barry and told him to take it home to the boys. Of course Barry did. So when we got home that day the baby turtle was on the kitchen table, and Isaac fell in love with this little guy. We had to find him a home, so we put him in one of our old hermit crab cages. We had to find him food, so we cut up a carrot and got some grass. We had to get him water, so I poured a small amount of water into the change. We had made him the perfect home. And Isaac seriously went out every 10 minutest to check on him. Well early this morning, like 2 am, a major rain came. I was having a hard time sleeping so I was on the couch and I hear little feet coming down the stairs. Next thing I know Isaac is walking over to the back door. I knew what he was going to do next, he came over and woke me up to tell me that he NEEDED to go check on the turtle. It was raining and he might be drowning. I informed him that he was on our covered porch and he was fine because turtles live in water. He was content with that and went back to bed. Well as soon as he woke up this morning he ran to the back door opened it and checked on the turtle, and of course he was fine. So there are two examples of this child's compassion for animals. But he also has compassion for people too. If he hears someone is sick or hurt he wants us to stop and pray for them. Like last week there was an ambulance in our neighborhood and we were outside playing and wanted us to stop and pray for them. And he LOVES going to feed homeless people with Barry and not to just give them food, he wants to get them coats and blankets if its cold. And So again this morning after checking on the turtle, he turned on the TV and the night before we had been watching something on A&E. Well when he turned it on there was a show about Earthquakes and Tsunami's. I was in the shower and heard him yell. I had no idea what was going on. He finally barged into the bathroom to tell me that we needed to help some people in China!! I was like what?! He told me that the earth had shook and caused this HUGE surfing wave to flood everyone's house and that they were sick, hungry, and some were still lost. I tried not to make a huge deal out of it, but did tell him that they were being helped (I'm sure this show was from an early viewing so it hadn't just happened). He again was content, but said we needed to pray for them. I'm telling you this kid has great compassion for every kind of being. I can't wait to see what God has planned for him, well I can since I don't want him to grow up so fast, but still I KNOW God is working him into an important person for His kingdom. How many 5 year olds do you know that would be this concerned for hurting people in China or even the ones in their own town that don't have a warm place to sleep?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
This morning while we were getting ready for school Barry was reading his Bible and Eli kept trying to take it out of his hand. So Barry asked him if he wanted him to read it and of course Eli did.
Barry- Okay we are going to read about the paralyzed man that Jesus healed.
Isaac- Hey I know this story! We read it last week at school.
Barry- Really bud? How does it go then?
Isaac- Well, Jesus was in this city making people better. And there was this guy who was sick and couldn't walk and so his friends carried him to see Jesus on a board. When they got to the building they couldn't get in to see Jesus. So his friends climbed to the roof with him and then dug a hole in the roof and dropped him down to see Jesus with a rope on the board. He then landed in front of Jesus. And Jesus told him, "Get up and walk, you're better."
Barry-That was pretty good bud.
Isaac- I know!
The actual story is this...
(17) One day Jesus was teaching, and Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there. They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick. (18) Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. (19) When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. (20) When Jesus saw their faith, He said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
Don't you just love a kids prospective on things, especially the Bible?!