My Little Pirate

Today as I was sitting out on my porch I realized that my little man is no longer my little man, he is actually developing into a "man" right before my very eyes. Over the past few weeks he has really started maturing in so many areas it is not even funny. It actually started a little over two weeks ago when after getting him out of the bath and putting a diaper on him that he informed me that he no longer wore diapers that he wanted to wear his underwear. And honestly from that day on he has worn his underwear. I was very shocked, but much relief came over me as this was a step up the ladder of growing up that I wasn't sure when or how to tackle. I knew that deep down inside I wanted him potty trained before little Eli got here, but in reality I knew that was probably going to be impossible. So like always God knew when the timing would come and wah-lah it happened literally over night. Then about a week after that all of us were in the car driving downtown. And well Isaac has this CD that we listen to ALL the time while in the car and on the CD is a Dinasaur song that he loves. So it was playing and Barry and I were talking and the song finshed. And then all of a sudden from the back seat came a very polite but demanding voice..."mommy me dinasaur song again please! and turn it around! (which he means up--louder). Barry and I were like what?!! And then three days later while riding in the car again and listening to the same CD we hear..."mommy me cup empty, new on please!" I started laughing but at the same time realized that literally in a three week period my little man was growing up. Its funny how it is happening right now. I mean right now as I sit here typing this I'm a bit teary eyed in thinking that just yesterday I was holding him for the first time admiring his feet. And then I blinked and tonight I held him in his BIG boy bed and talked to him about actual stuff. Now don't get me wrong, I am REALLY enjoying this stage in life, but at the same time I'm realizing I'll never have this/that very moment again in his life. Sure there will be different ones, but that moment has now passed. And at the same time, being pregnant again with a boy, I wonder deep down inside if I'll ever be able to have a bond with Eli like I do with Isaac. I know everyone says I will but I am terrified about this big adjustment. To me, it seems a bit bittersweet. Silly, sure, but I'm no longer going to belong JUST to Isaac. We will no longer have just the two of us around during the day. And it scares me to think that Isaac is going to feel left out of something or not feel as though he is my top priority. I mean his WHOLE life thus far has been me, him and Barry, but mostly just me and him. I just don't want him to feel pushed aside. I want him to feel this bond forever and know that no matter what he is mommies number one man, next to daddy and Eli. I want him to know that even when Eli arrives he can still ask me to come play with him and lay with him. I don't want him to feel like he's lost his best friend. I'm sure you're all probably thinking I'm being a bit ridiculous, but this has been very heavy on my heart for the past week, so heavy I haven't slept at all at night because all I want to do is go into Isaac's room and watch him sleep. I am honestly laying there listening to every breath he takes through the monitor wondering what I will do with two. How will Isaac feel about Eli and vice versa. I know it will all work out and that people have two children the same sex all the time and no one feels left out. And so I know Isaac will be okay, but as the time gets closer and closer the fear, excitement, nervousness, and the unknown overwhelms me. But I know this too will all fall into place just as the potty training did.